In my adolescence and throughout much of my adulthood I have viewed weakness as a burden; a burden that held me back from so much of what life had to offer. I would go to great lengths to hide my weaknesses so others would approve of, and maybe even, admire me. This would satisfy my strong desire to be liked. Subconsciously, the more perfect I was the more God and others would approve and like me.
This pattern of living was not fully revealed to me until I went to marriage counseling eight years ago. Through many hours of conversation and reflection, I realized that my need to be perceived as perfect created a tremendous stumbling block for myself and my marriage. Others were challenged to relate to someone who appeared to be perfect. In many cases, it was a stumbling block to develop authentic, real relationships; the very relationships that I wanted so desperately to nurture and grow.
The interesting thing is that my need to be and present “perfect” hindered my path towards perfection. Perfection, of course, is not a destination in this life but a journey. Thus the perception of perfection distanced me from my goals of creating a happy marriage and meaningful relationships with my children and others. It also had the power to hinder growth and development in my career and community responsibilities. I had to change; but how?
I started by changing my view of weakness. I have come to learn that weakness is not a burden. It is actually a vehicle that allows me to grow and progress in all aspects of life. Recognition of my shortcomings to my wife, children, friends, and associates create vulnerability and, therefore, closeness. This recognition is often accompanied by an apology. We are closer as a result of the acknowledgement of who I am and what I have done. This also sets a precedence that weakness is okay and acceptable in our relationship and in life. Weakness is who we are and dealing with it open and honestly is the only way we will progress individually and as couple, family, team, etc. Weakness allows us to connect with others on a level impossible if it were ignored.
This open approach also has allowed me to deepen my relationship with God. I feel I have always been open and honest with God in regards to my weaknesses. I knew that he knew so there was no sense in hiding. What I lacked was the humility to allow him to truly change me. Since weakness was something to hide from others I did not allow God to use others to accomplish this end. When I was willing to humble myself before God AND others only then did my weaknesses start to become strengths.
One of my earliest experiences with this concept came during my freshman year of college. In high school I was weak in studying and academics. I was ashamed of this and hid it the best I could. This caused me to shy away from the very people who could help me succeed. After high school graduation, I recognized that my success in college may dictate, in large measure, my success in life. This caused me to rely more fully upon a God I knew. I had relied on Him in the past with some success but still was figuring things out. With full recognition of my weakness I decided to give myself fully to God in regards to this weakness. This complete reliance meant I had to honestly ensure that I did my part.
My part meant getting tutors in certain subjects, learning from the study habits of others, and join study groups where appropriate. When others were involved this made me vulnerable to exposing my weakness. Fortunately, my desire to succeed in life outweighed my desire to be viewed as smart and capable. I finished my freshman year by receiving a spring term scholarship and a high enough GPA that allowed me to transfer to a top-tier University.
I have learned that God is more likely to help us when we are willing to humble ourselves, seek his will and guidance, and involve others in our process to become better. My freshman year of college allowed me to have a much deeper and more meaningful relationship with God. I learned of his power to help me when I not only recognized my weakness but was willing to expose it to others. God gives us weakness so that we may know of his power and grow closer to him. God gives us weakness so that we may grow closer to others and put ourselves in a position to not only be helped but to help others on their path as well.
Weakness is a gift. Heading into the new year allow your weaknesses to become a vehicle through which you deepen your relationship with others while gaining all the benefits of a better life.
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