Parenting is a riddle many of us grapple with on a regular basis. Society is flooded with countless and, at times, conflicting approaches to this worthy endeavor. It can feel overwhelming and frustrating to know how to best parent a child. My goal is to reduce this confusion and simplify the parenting journey.
As I read and reflect on many parenting principles the one that seems to make all other principles more powerful and effective is encouragement. If we cultivate encouraging words, actions, and environment we will be well on our way in achieving our long-term parenting goals.
Let’s first understand the word “en-courage”:
En is a greek prefix that means to enlighten, provide with, or enlarge (among other definitions).
Courage is when a person confidently faces difficulty, danger, pain, etc., even when fear may be present.
Therefore encouragement is to enlighten, provide with, or enlarge an individual’s ability to confidently face life’s challenges even when fear may be present.
My ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, confident, cooperative, and responsible individuals that will make meaningful contributions to the world. To accomplish such a tall task I must focus on, refine, and master an encouraging parenting approach. Let’s evaluate how encouragement can help raise such an individual.
Happy: If my child has encouraging parental support he or she will stretch themselves to develop the skills necessary to create and cultivate happiness.
Confident: Parents that truly believe that their child is capable of succeeding in the world provide him or her confidence in who they are and who they will become.
Cooperative: Developing the patience, skills, and experience necessary to cooperate with others is magnified when encouragement comes from the governing body in the household. Cooperation will increase as parental encouragement consistently guides the way.
Responsible: I don’t want to do everything for my children. I want them to do as much as possible on their own. This shared approach benefits all in the household. To accomplish this, I must teach and encourage as my child learns, grows, and makes mistakes along the way. At times they will be discouraged. It is my job to replace the “dis” with “en” to motivate and inspire him or her to keep pressing on.
How does a parent encourage?
Encouraging words: Do my words instill confidence in my child’s willingness to do difficult things in order to grow and progress? “I have confidence that you can finish this difficult class because I have seen you do difficulty things in the past”.
Encouraging actions: Do my actions show that I love, respect, and believe in my child? Often times when a parent does what a child could do on their own communicates that the parent does not believe in the child. We should patiently and lovingly work on chores with our child and expect him or her to accomplish it on their own in the future.
Encouraging environment: Does the home environment allow them to face difficulty, danger, and pain confidently even when fear may be present. We have a religious household. We rely on our ability and God’s assistance to help us through life’s challenges. My approach to an encouraging environment allows the child to know that God is real and can assist him or her in facing life’s challenges.
I want to help my children mature in a healthy and happy manner. Encouragement, done right, will teach responsibility, discipline, and cooperation in a loving atmosphere that builds. A dis-couraging approach may have the same goal of responsibility, discipline, and cooperation but instead uses fear and sarcasm to achieve this end. Such an approach provides short-term results but lacks long-term sustainability.
Make encouragement the basis of all parenting decisions. It strikes the challenging balance between coddling and neglect. Simply ask “does this parenting decision enlarge my child’s ability to confidently face life’s challenges”. The answer to this will make you a parent who has your child’s true, long-term interest at heart.
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