Let’s Be Real!

I am not perfect.  I have resentments, weaknesses, quirks, and can be quite selfish at times.   I can also be kind, friendly, forgiving,  generous and pretty funny (in a weird kind of way).  I recognize my shortcomings and successes as a father, husband, coach, and employee.  I am a mixture of the good, the bad, and the ugly.   Everyday I strive for progress and improvement.  Some days I succeed while other days I don’t quite get there. This more level headed and accepting approach towards my life is relatively new.

In my 20’s I desperately wanted to fulfill my potential in every aspect of life.  I was getting started in my adulthood and felt a need to be perfect.  That plan and expectation was, of course, unreasonable.  Such expectations accentuated the shame I felt when weakness and failure would surface.  Such shame caused me to go to great lengths to hide my shortcomings from others making me a relatively unconnectable friend, associate, and church member.  

It is only in the last 5-7 years, through a multitude of experiences, that I have gradually started to relinquish this perception and expectation of perfection.  I have learned that hiding failure from others leads to isolation and stunted growth.  I have also learned that exposing my true self with others, although difficult, allows me to be authentic.  Authenticity facilitates much good personally and socially.  I am, of course, tactful and mindful with whom and when I share certain life experiences but do look for opportunities to do so.  

The purpose of this writing is to highlight some of the more powerful reasons why we should look to be vulnerable and reveal our true selves with others.  Many may think “what good can come of such vulnerability?”.  Here is a breakdown of what I have experienced as I have become more honest and real in my communications.  

1. Connection:  The more transparent I am with others the more transparent others are with me.  To mutually share our true selves foster deep intimacy that cannot be achieved in any other way.  We gain greater insight into humanity, relationships, and ourselves personally.  We learn to value and care for others in a deeper, more meaningful way than we otherwise could.
2. Clear Conscience:  The more honest I am in my relationships the more free I feel emotionally and spiritually.  When I verbally recognize my offenses, mistakes, and shortcomings and accompany them with an apology (when appropriate) I allow my soul to heal.  This process releases me from the burden of guilt.  I am able to move forward without regret and resentment.  Be open with your mistakes and failures especially when it negatively impacts those closest to you.   
3. Increased Love:  Vulnerability can foster deep feelings of love, empathy, and understanding.  We see others and ourselves for who we are and breakthrough the self inflicted facades; facades that drive wedges between partners and friends.  When our true selves are exposed, accepted, and loved we become more free and available to love others.  This type of divine and unconditional love further perpetuates affection, gentleness, and humility in our relationships.
4. United:  Openly and freely exposing weakness and failure removes opposition and contention. We realize we are not competing to be the best partner, parent, employee, church member, or whatever our roles in life may be.  We are, instead, designed to walk side by side with others towards a common goal of personal progress.  Forfeiting the competition game allows us the freedom to support others and find joy in their success as well as in our own.  

The benefits of authentic living have deep and lasting impact on human relationships that, in turn, positively impact us personally.  An increased effort to live more open and honest with others can heal and improve many of our most important and troubled relationships.  For example, do not make your kids think you are the perfect parent.  Instead, openly admit that you make mistakes and apologize when you have wronged them.  Admit to your spouse when you mess up.  Share your desires to be better along with the challenges you face in accomplishing this.  Such actions, regularly lived, will surely contribute to the peace, fulfillment and happiness we seek.