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Have you become unhappy, bored, or dissatisfied with your home-life, work-life, or in your key relationships? Do you wish you could change others so life could be easier and better? If your answer to these questions is “yes” then have I got a concept for you.
One of my favorite concepts from one of my favorite books is the Circle of Influence taught in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey. This concept helps identify and prioritize the areas in our lives that we can influence while shedding those we can’t.
Circle of Concern:
Often times we find ourselves worrying and fretting about a wide range of concerns, such as health, children, problems at work, the amount of government borrowing, or the threat of war. This can cause frustration, anxiety, depression, and sadness. These unfavorable feelings consume emotional energy; energy that could be spent influencing the things that will actually make our lives better. It makes little sense to feed this cycle but we all do it to a certain degree.
Circle of Influence:
Found within the Circle of Influence are the areas in our lives that we can directly influence. They are concerns that we have some control over. This circle is smaller than the Circle of Concern as most of our world is beyond our influential reach. The Circle of Influence is not stagnant but expands and contracts based on how we respond to life’s challenges.
Circular Growth
The expansion process is fueled by the foundational attribute of proactivity. Stephen Covey defines proactive as “being responsible for our own lives…..our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions. Proactive people focus on issues within their Circle of Influence. They work on things they can do something about. The nature of their energy in doing this is positive, enlarging and magnifying. They increase their Circle of Influence.” The more proactive we are the greater our influence becomes. Reactive people tend to neglect those issues that are under their control and influence. Their focus is elsewhere and their Circle of Influence shrinks. See below for graphical illustration of this process.
Are You Contracting or Expanding?
An effective way of assessing your focus (and, therefore, influencing capacity) is by listening to your words. You can identify your current focus based on the words “have” and “be”. Circles of Concern are full of “have’s” while Circles of Influence are full of “be’s”. See below for examples of each approach.
Contraction: “Have” Statements (Reactive)
- I’ll be happy when I have a …
- I just don’t have enough time…
- If only I had a boss who wasn’t…
- If I had respect from…
- If I just had more money…
Expansion: “Be” Statements (Proactive)
- I can be a better role model…
- I can be more organized / resourceful…
- I can be more loving / understanding…
- I will be more diligent…
- I can seek further input and be able to understand…
If you are finding that you are unhappy at work, home, or in your key relationships it is highly likely that your focus is held up in things you cannot control. Decide today to improve what you can influence and allow your positivity and energy to expand your influential reach in the world.
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