Outside-in
What is the first thought that comes to mind when things in life are not going well? For most it sounds like this “Ugh…if only ____ could change then life would be so much better.” Most of us first think of some external factor or person being removed or changed for our benefit. Examples: “If only I had a different boss then my job would be great; If only I had a different spouse then I would be happy in my marriage; If only I had time to workout then I would be thin.” This mental approach is referred to as “outside-in” thinking. Outside-in operates under the belief that if things outside ourselves change then our insides will change with it. More often than not, this does not occur. Most of us will still be unhappy, overweight, bored even if our external environment were to change. The problem is not out there it is in here.
Inside-out
Fortunately, our outsides do not automatically change our insides. I say fortunately because we can’t force others to change. We can only change ourselves. We can’t always dictate our environment we can only dictate our response to that environment. The solution to the difficult challenges of family, work, marriage, and life is to change our perspective and ourselves. We have the power to positively influence others and encourage change by becoming someone different/better than we are today.
Hard Pill To Swallow
Many of life’s unfortunate events result from decisions we make along the way. Acceptance of this fact is difficult because it shifts the blame from others (natural response) to ourselves (cognitive, deliberate mental shift). There are times when my emotions are demanding others to change for the betterment of the world (aka me). Life just seems easier if we can place blame on others. The irony is that fooling ourselves into this sweet lie only perpetuates the problem and reinforces the strength of its existence. Acceptance of our own part in our unfavorable life situation is the first step to making a difference.
The Promise
There is no guarantee that others will change if you change first. The only promise is that you will have provided the best influence and environment to facilitate and enable change in others. You will have done your part and the cards will fall where they fall. You will have improved and progressed yourself as a person. Such inside-out focus over the long haul produces healthy, happy, and genuine people that attract good fortune and success. Our shift from victimization to proactivity is the most important skill we can develop in our progress towards our best selves.
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