Your Millennial Coach

The Storm Mile: How To Reach Your Goals

Family

For the past couple of years I have regularly taken my children to run the mile. For the most part, this has been a positive experience but there are times when one of my children does not want to participate.  Sitting is not an option but if they want to walk that is up to them.  This walking mile occurred a few times in the latter half of 2017.

As part of their new year’s resolutions, each one of my children committed themselves to improving their mile time. They set a specific target they wanted to beat this year.  This goal caused a few of my children to demand that I take them to the track this past weekend (something I had not yet done this year).  It is hard to say no when you got kids begging you to run the mile.  We finally got out to the track this past Saturday morning.   

Emerson, my seven year old, had the goal to break 7:45.  His previous best was 8:16.  Norah, my 9 year old, had the goal to break 9:45.  Her previous best was 10:15.  With the excitement of “personal bests” in the air we were off.  I say “we” because I decided to run by Emerson’s side for the first time (previously this was not an option due to my health challenges).  Norah used us as a barometer of how fast she needed to go.  Emerson maintained his pace throughout and finished strong on the final lap. I kept waiting for him to slow down and walk as he had done in the past.  His pace was too aggressive (or so I thought).  Much to my surprise he kept the pace and got a 7:29.  I then ran to Norah on the other side of the track and helped her to finish strong as well.  She got a 9:35.  Amazing!  They both smoked their goal.  I could not believe it.  

What caused such a shift in my children’s attitude, pace, and time?  I pondered on this question throughout the weekend.  I gained the following insights:

  1. Exciting goals:  They set an aggressive, yet exciting goal.  For whatever reason this goal became meaningful to them.  They genuinely wanted to work towards its achievement.        The goal got them excited.  So much so that they nagged me to take them to the track on a Saturday morning.  The goal, in and of itself, had the power to motivate them to action.  
  2. Masking pain with progress:  Many goals cause us to be uncomfortable and tired.  The mile is a great example of this.  Yet Emerson and Norah did not think of the pain when they asked that I take them to the track.  Instead they focused on the feeling of satisfaction and fulfillment that would result if they achieved progress.   It was painful.  Emerson’s face that last lap showed this.  Yet ,interestingly, he did not talk about the pain but only of the accomplishment of his goal.   This mindset was not present when some of the children had previously decided to walk the mile.
  3. Support:  This is the first time I have run with Emerson.  I provided guidance through the pace I set.  I did not say much.  I just stayed the course and gave him a clear standard to follow.  Having us run on the same track as Norah also helped her to improve her own pace.  We were there to help and assist each other.  We were there to do better.  Emerson complimented Norah on her finish and there was positivity all around.  Surrounding ourselves with the right people as we strive to become better and achieve our goals is a key component of a successful and fulfilling life.

If you are finding that your new year’s resolutions have already fallen by the wayside try modifying these goals into ones that excite you.  Approach these goals with a focus on the end result and not on the work to get there.  Establish a support system that will assist and inspire you to do better.  My own personal experience has taught me that surrounding myself with the right people and structure is perhaps the most powerful element in achieving my best.  This support network can be found in family, friends, church, groups, or wherever we find people that build, uplift, and inspire us towards our personal best.

How to Achieve Your New Year’s Resolutions!

Action

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With the new year, many of us have had time to reflect, evaluate, and commit to being a better father, wife, friend, employee… or whatever is most important to us.  As a result, goals have been set for some while others have simple resolutions of what they want to change.  Wherever you fall on the commitment spectrum this post is to help provide guidance on how to have the best shot at fulfilling your 2018 New Year’s resolutions.

Be Clear On The “Why” 

If your goals are simply something you “should” do and others expect it from you then you will not get far. If there is not a pure “why” that motivates and inspires then you ought to reevaluate. The “why” comes from aligning desires with core values. Core values are the deeply held beliefs we strive to live.  What are your core values? Once you gain clarity on your core values then knowing what goals to set becomes much easier and the likelihood that you will achieve such goals increases significantly.    

Let us take a common goal of, say, losing weight.  Why do you want to lose weight?  Is it to look good for your honey?  Is it to get a honey?  Are you overweight and lack self-confidence and, as a result, want to lose weight to increase how you feel when with others? Is a healthy lifestyle an important value to you and, according to the charts, you are overweight and at risk for some disease or condition?  Be sure you know exactly why you want to achieve the goal.  Knowing why provides motivation to sacrifice for its realization.  

Avoid “All or Nothing” Mentality

We are human and, as a result, are not perfect.  We are not going to achieve all our goals all of the time.  Unfortunately, our imperfection causes us to get down on ourselves and give up. We set goals to progress in ways that are meaningful to us. If we are taking steps in that direction then we are fulfilling our “why”.  Therefore, establishing and accepting different levels of achievement will encourage the positive habit or behavior to continue.

For example, an hour at the gym five days a week is ideal, four days a week is acceptable, and three days a week is our minimum. All are better than nothing.  Give yourself flexibility in your accomplishments and this will allow for sustained positive action.   

Set SMART Goals

Most of us have heard of the SMART acronym guide to setting goals.  Here is a reminder on how to set SMART goals:

Specific – What is the goal?  How often will it take place?  Where will it take place? When will it take place?

Measurable – Can the goal be measured?  We need to know if we have achieved it or not.  This will give us specific feedback and hold us accountable.

Attainable – Is the activity and time frame realistic for the goal we have established?  

Relevant – Is this goal consistent with our purpose and mission statement?  Does it bring us closer to where we want to be?

Time-bound – Specify the time in which the goal will be achieved.  Is it a regularly occurring goal that is to be accomplished weekly?  Is it a “one and done” activity that has a clear beginning and end?  Ensure you specify a time frame in which it will be completed.  

Tracking Required

I have been at this goal setting endeavor for 10+ years now.  Through experience I have developed and iterated a Goal Setting Tracker that organizes goals into eight different life areas (consistent with the Wheel of Life).  The spreadsheet tracks goals on a weekly, quarterly, and annual basis.  All the user has to do is input results from the week.  Weekly, quarterly and annual progress are then automatically populated.  Check out the Goal Setting Video to see how it works.  

I will close with one of my all-time favorite quotes:  “The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The next best time is now.” – Chinese Proverb.  

Do now what you wish you did five, ten, or fifteen years ago.  Have a great 2018!

The Spa Revelation: Comfort Is Not Happiness

Action

This past Saturday two of my children and I went to our community pool.  The pool is not heated during the fall and winter months, making it pretty cold.  Fortunately, the spa was.  As one would expect, we decided to spend our time in the comforts of the heated water.  That is until Emerson, my seven-year-old son, got bored of his water gun and the bland spa.  He wanted something more and decided that the cold pool was just what he was looking for.  

He first checked the temperature; 50 degrees!   He then dipped his toe in and returned to the safety of the spa.  He couldn’t believe how cold it was. He then asked if we dared him to jump in the pool.  Mariah, my eleven-year-old, and I both agreed and made the dare.  He quickly rushed out of the spa and jumped.  He hurriedly and loudly came back to the spa with a big smile and tingly hands and feet that felt “so good!” in the hot water.  He repeated this process several times; each trip more courageous and exhilarating than the last.  

I admired him.  I didn’t just admire him I was straight up jealous of him.  He was having such a great time.  He had adrenaline, increased confidence, and enjoyed the heat of the spa way more than I did.  To be honest, at this point the spa no longer provided an enjoyable experience.  I did not want to stay in but I also did not want to leave.  My comfort had me stuck.  I wanted what Emerson had and new that discomfort, coldness, and courage were required to get it.  My ego kicked in and said “if a seven-year-old can do it then I can”!  

This realization immediately got me up out of the spa.  I calmly walked over to the pool and, without saying a word, jumped in (I had to do it quickly before I chickened out).  After immersing my body in the in the icy water, I leaped right back out, and came running towards the warm sensations that awaited me.  Ahhhh.  That spa felt so,so good.  I also felt fairly proud of myself for matching the courage of my son.  It was not easy.  

Emerson then dared Mariah to swim 10 lengths for $1.  After some back and forth, she accepted.  Mariah slowly and numbingly completed her end of the bargain.  It was evident that we needed both the warm comfort of the spa and the chilling discomfort of the pool to have a great afternoon.  

Too often, we allow the spas of our daily living to dictate our actions.  The bland comfort of a safe life causes us to avoid activities that challenge our spirit and body.  We look at others who enjoy life and want what they have.  We also recognize that we don’t want the discomfort that allows them to get it.  Thus, we float through life comfortable and empty.  

Until one day we realize that life is meant to be lived, comfort is not happiness, and our best years are passing us by.  We start doing things that are excitingly uncomfortable and feel the wonderful sensations that await us in the comforts of our “spa”.  We realize the discomfort wasn’t nearly as bad as our minds had made it out to be.  We also recognize that our lives improve each and every time we leave the spa.  This pattern becomes so clear and evident that the discomfort becomes habitual and even desirable.  Peace, happiness, and fulfillment is the inevitable result. Day by day we build a great life; a life worth living.  

New Years is right around the corner, begging us to leave the spa a little more this coming year and enjoy the thrill and excitement that life has in-store for us.  

The Mental Currency Of Thoughts

Anxiety

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I am currently reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, a former Roman Emperor, who ruled from 161-180 A.D.  In this western classic the emperor expresses his private thoughts on Stoic philosophy.  It is very evident from these writings that he was a man of high ideals that reflected deeply on his own purpose and relationship to the world.  His reflections are almost biblical in nature as they address the path of a meaningful existence.  The portion that has impacted me most thus far was his analysis of the impact of thoughts on our quality of living.  

Marcus states “Those who do not observe the movements of their own minds must of necessity be unhappy.”

Why would ignoring the movements of our minds make us unhappy?  The rationale behind this comment was not immediately clear to me.  He continued:

“Do not waste the remainder of thy life in thoughts about others, when thou dost not refer thy thoughts to some object of common utility.  For thou losest the opportunity of doing something else when thou hast such thoughts as these, –What is such a person doing, and why, and what is he saying, and what is he thinking of, and what is he contriving, and whatever else of the kind makes us wander away from the observation of our own ruling power.”  

This immediately triggered within me my christian upbringing of  “First cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye”.and “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”.

This principle is clear across all cultures and generations; we are what we think.  Where we spend our thoughts is where we spend our lives.  Our thoughts can be compared to currency; we can wisely invest or carelessly spend.  Such decisions dictate the wealth of our existence.  Some prudent investments would include introspective self-evaluation, behavioral adjustments, and our reflection on how to be of more use to the world.  Costly expenses that deplete our mental, emotional, and spiritual bank accounts are obsessive focus on what others are thinking, saying, and doing.  These expenditures return stress, fear, instability and skepticism.  In summary , the greatest thought investments are those focused on the beam in our own eye and, when appropriate, lovingly helping others on their own path and process for self-improvement.  

I have wasted countless hours worrying about the unknown.  I have grudgingly presented my side of the story to the mental judges in my head to justify my past or future actions.  Such mental exertion has only harmed and damaged my internal peace and happiness.  It has caused distance and separation from others.  It has perpetuated the justification and rationalization of my own prideful behavior.  

Those who “do not observe the movements of their own” mental bank account will, as foretold by Marcus, be unhappy.  For that which he plants is that which he sows.  If we are careless in what we think we then become vulnerable to weeds of resentment, anxiety, and addiction.  The foundation for a happy and joyful existence is founded on monitoring and funneling our mental movements towards self-improvement and serving others.  This is the purpose of our existence and it all starts in the private forums of our minds.

Let’s Be Real!

Acceptance

Image result for Let's Be RealI am not perfect.  I have resentments, weaknesses, quirks, and can be quite selfish at times.   I can also be kind, friendly, forgiving,  generous and pretty funny (in a weird kind of way).  I recognize my shortcomings and successes as a father, husband, coach, and employee.  I am a mixture of the good, the bad, and the ugly.   Everyday I strive for progress and improvement.  Some days I succeed while other days I don’t quite get there. This more level headed and accepting approach towards my life is relatively new.

In my 20’s I desperately wanted to fulfill my potential in every aspect of life.  I was getting started in my adulthood and felt a need to be perfect.  That plan and expectation was, of course, unreasonable.  Such expectations accentuated the shame I felt when weakness and failure would surface.  Such shame caused me to go to great lengths to hide my shortcomings from others making me a relatively unconnectable friend, associate, and church member.  

It is only in the last 5-7 years, through a multitude of experiences, that I have gradually started to relinquish this perception and expectation of perfection.  I have learned that hiding failure from others leads to isolation and stunted growth.  I have also learned that exposing my true self with others, although difficult, allows me to be authentic.  Authenticity facilitates much good personally and socially.  I am, of course, tactful and mindful with whom and when I share certain life experiences but do look for opportunities to do so.  

The purpose of this writing is to highlight some of the more powerful reasons why we should look to be vulnerable and reveal our true selves with others.  Many may think “what good can come of such vulnerability?”.  Here is a breakdown of what I have experienced as I have become more honest and real in my communications.  

  1. Connection:  The more transparent I am with others the more transparent others are with me.  To mutually share our true selves foster deep intimacy that cannot be achieved in any other way.  We gain greater insight into humanity, relationships, and ourselves personally.  We learn to value and care for others in a deeper, more meaningful way than we otherwise could.
  2. Clear Conscience:  The more honest I am in my relationships the more free I feel emotionally and spiritually.  When I verbally recognize my offenses, mistakes, and shortcomings and accompany them with an apology (when appropriate) I allow my soul to heal.  This process releases me from the burden of guilt.  I am able to move forward without regret and resentment.  Be open with your mistakes and failures especially when it negatively impacts those closest to you.   
  3. Increased Love:  Vulnerability can foster deep feelings of love, empathy, and understanding.  We see others and ourselves for who we are and breakthrough the self inflicted facades; facades that drive wedges between partners and friends.  When our true selves are exposed, accepted, and loved we become more free and available to love others.  This type of divine and unconditional love further perpetuates affection, gentleness, and humility in our relationships.
  4. United:  Openly and freely exposing weakness and failure removes opposition and contention. We realize we are not competing to be the best partner, parent, employee, church member, or whatever our roles in life may be.  We are, instead, designed to walk side by side with others towards a common goal of personal progress.  Forfeiting the competition game allows us the freedom to support others and find joy in their success as well as in our own.  

The benefits of authentic living have deep and lasting impact on human relationships that, in turn, positively impact us personally.  An increased effort to live more open and honest with others can heal and improve many of our most important and troubled relationships.  For example, do not make your kids think you are the perfect parent.  Instead, openly admit that you make mistakes and apologize when you have wronged them.  Admit to your spouse when you mess up.  Share your desires to be better along with the challenges you face in accomplishing this.  Such actions, regularly lived, will surely contribute to the peace, fulfillment and happiness we seek.

The Value of a Mountain to Climb

Goals

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Two weeks ago I was listening to You: The Owner’s Manual by Mehmet Oz and Michael Roizen.  The book provides many insightful & practical ways to keep your mind and body young (If you do this then your mind will be 4.3 years younger.  If you do that your body will be 3.4 years younger).  During this reading the authors highlighted how our minds start to lose their sharpness around age 35 (I am 37) and learning and speaking another language (I used to speak Spanish) combats this mental deterioration.  This fact hit me hard as I noticed little signs in my own life like forgetting, multiple times a day, where I put that dang water bottle!

For years, I have wanted to get back the Spanish I once had while serving a mission in the Canary islands from 1999 – 2001.  I spent 25 months studying and learning the language.  I come back and 16 years later I struggle to speak and understand (so frustrating…if you don’t use it you lose it!).  This loss limits my interaction with groups of people that surround me each day. The desire to connect with a wider group of people combined with keeping my mind healthy and active has motivated me to read, pray, listen, and speak the Spanish language for two weeks now.  

Semi-immersing myself in spanish over the past two weeks has yielded much more than I expected.  In addition to connecting with more people I am finding that I am more fulfilled as I have more purpose in my life.  I have also added an incremental dimension to family education.  My children have a sincere desire to learn spanish as well (Mariah just texted me today asking for more verbs to conjugate!).  As I reflected on and tried to understand why I had become a happier person a thought came to me;  I am climbing a mountain.  

Two years ago I read a book called Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment.  One of the principles that impacted me most was the importance of having a mountain to climb.  The mountain represents a meaningful goal that an individual establishes.  The happiness is derived from not only reaching the top but more from the journey on the way up.  His research was very clear that those who worked towards meaningful goals were much happier than those who lacked such goals. 

I had recognized this truth in my life back then.  I was once again reminded as I restarted my climb up Mt. Espanol!  It is a big mountain and will require much diligence, patience, and fortitude to scale.  I am confident as I continue onward and upward the richness of the climb will become sweeter and more beautiful.   

My question to the reader is:  What mountain are you climbing?  Is it challenging enough?  Does it fulfill you? Does it align with your core values and purpose?  If you are lacking in happiness and need a boost then identify your mountain and start climbing.  You will resurrect feelings of purpose and progress that have been laying dormant just waiting for you to take the initiative and do something.

Love: More Than A Feeling!

Action

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In the great Broadway musical “Fiddler on the Roof” Tevya, the father of the featured Russian family, had just given his daughter and her boyfriend, permission to be engaged.  Seeing their love for each other, Tevya becomes introspective about his own arranged marriage. He asks Golde, his wife and mother of his six daughters, if she loves him.  Her response (sang in a musical tone):

“For twenty-five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked YOUR cow”.

These actions were her answer.  Not fully satisfied, Tevya keeps pressing her for more clarity and asks her again. She continues:

For twenty-five years I’ve lived with him

Fought with him, starved with him

Twenty-five years my bed is his

If that’s not love, what is?

Tevya responds “Then you love me?”  and she confirms “I suppose I do”.

This song is beautiful to me.  Their love was the result of countless actions through the years.  They sacrificed for each other.  They stuck together through both good and bad times.    

This view of love is very different from the limited view that love is only a feeling. To me, it is so much more.  It is a feeling that leads to action.  Or perhaps, it is the inverse; it is action that leads to the feeling.  Looks, personality, and chemistry are powerful and can make us feel strongly for another human being. We can be twitterpated or in lust with somebody but such feelings inevitably fade with time.  I believe one of the primary purposes for such feelings is to provide fertile ground upon which we can serve, nurture and develop a lifelong relationship with another human being.  Loving actions, if sustained over an extended period of time, significantly increase the likelihood of a beautiful and fulfilling relationship.  

It is said that couples “fall out” of love.  How does this occur? Oftentimes, the falling out process occurs when the couple has stopped investing into the relationship. It is the inevitable result of neglecting the needs and wants of the marriage.  A plant that is withering and dying must receive certain nutrients to return back to health; water, sun, and proper soil.  The same goes for a marriage.  To fall back in love certain ingredients must be added.  What are the right ingredients for your marriage? What sun-filled actions will warm your partner’s heart?  What is he/she thirsting for in the relationship?  What will allow the relationship to become more deeply rooted?  The answers to such questions requires an inquisitive, listening ear.  Be that ear!   

Instead of thinking what our spouse should do for us, we should instead ask what we should do for our spouse.  As we do so we will experience an increase love for, and from, those we serve.  True love is born and resurrected through action.  Exercise faith, patience, and love with your partner and your relationship will become a great source of happiness and fulfillment in your life.    

En-Couraging Parenting: No Better Way!

Parenting

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Parenting is a riddle many of us grapple with on a regular basis.  Society is flooded with countless and, at times, conflicting approaches to this worthy endeavor.  It can feel overwhelming and frustrating to know how to best parent a child.  My goal is to reduce this confusion and simplify the parenting journey.  

As I read and reflect on many parenting principles the one that seems to make all other principles more powerful and effective is encouragement.  If we cultivate encouraging words, actions, and environment we will be well on our way in achieving our long-term parenting goals.  

Let’s first understand the word “en-courage”:

En is a greek prefix that means to enlighten, provide with, or enlarge (among other definitions).  

Courage is when a person confidently faces difficulty, danger, pain, etc., even when fear may be present.

Therefore encouragement is to enlighten, provide with, or enlarge an individual’s ability to confidently face life’s challenges even when fear may be present.   

My ultimate goal as a parent is to raise happy, confident, cooperative, and responsible individuals that will make meaningful contributions to the world.  To accomplish such a tall task I must focus on, refine, and master an encouraging parenting approach.  Let’s evaluate how encouragement can help raise such an individual.

Happy:  If my child has encouraging parental support he or she will stretch themselves to develop the skills necessary to create and cultivate happiness.

Confident:  Parents that truly believe that their child is capable of succeeding in the world provide him or her confidence in who they are and who they will become.

Cooperative:  Developing the patience, skills, and experience necessary to cooperate with others is magnified when encouragement comes from the governing body in the household.  Cooperation will increase as parental encouragement consistently guides the way.

Responsible:  I don’t want to do everything for my children.  I want them to do as much as possible on their own.  This shared approach benefits all in the household. To accomplish this, I must teach and encourage as my child learns, grows, and makes mistakes along the way.  At times they will be discouraged.  It is my job to replace the “dis” with “en” to motivate and inspire him or her to keep pressing on.   

How does a parent encourage?

Encouraging words:  Do my words instill confidence in my child’s willingness to do difficult things in order to grow and progress?  “I have confidence that you can finish this difficult class because I have seen you do difficulty things in the past”.  

Encouraging actions:  Do my actions show that I love, respect, and believe in my child?  Often times when a parent does what a child could do on their own communicates that the parent does not believe in the child.   We should patiently and lovingly work on chores with our child and expect him or her to accomplish it on their own in the future.  

Encouraging environment:  Does the home environment allow them to face difficulty, danger, and pain confidently even when fear may be present.  We have a religious household.  We rely on our ability and God’s assistance to help us through life’s challenges.  My approach to an encouraging environment allows the child to know that God is real and can assist him or her in facing life’s challenges.

I want to help my children mature in a healthy and happy manner.  Encouragement, done right, will teach responsibility, discipline, and cooperation in a loving atmosphere that builds.  A dis-couraging approach may have the same goal of responsibility, discipline, and cooperation but instead uses fear and sarcasm to achieve this end. Such an approach provides short-term results but lacks long-term sustainability.  

Make encouragement the basis of all parenting decisions. It strikes the challenging balance between coddling and neglect.  Simply ask “does this parenting decision enlarge my child’s ability to confidently face life’s challenges”.  The answer to this will make you a parent who has your child’s true, long-term interest at heart.

What Determines Happiness?

Happiness

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Happiness has been of keen interest for human beings since the beginning of time.  The reason; happiness feels good.  I, like any other person, want to be happy and, therefore, have dedicated much study and thought on the topic.  Although most of us desire happiness we all approach it differently.  For some, happiness is a thing of chance or luck.  This group believes that life or some external force allows good or bad things to happen to them.  Others believe that happiness is a product of circumstance.  They believe that if certain things in life were different then happiness would follow.  Both believe that external forces, in large degree, determine happiness.  These individuals are often frustrated, dissatisfied, and unhappy.  They experience happiness momentarily but it flees as quickly as it came. When outside forces do act in their favor they quickly find fault with another area thus perpetuating their constant state of negativity and blame.  

Studies have shown that we possess the ability to create, cultivate, and grow happiness in our lives.  I have learned, through personal experience, this to be true.  These studies show that happiness can be attributed and weighted to three areas: 50% genetics, 40% intentional activity, and 10% circumstance.  

Genetics  

50% of happiness is genetics. In other words, 50% is out of our control.   As a result, I personally choose not to fret over what I cannot control.  Being born with the talent for happiness is similar to being born with a talent for athletics, music, or intelligence.  Talents help us achieve higher performance levels but are not the only factor for success.   Success is determined by the level of effort and focus we put towards a talent.  Even if we are not extremely gifted athletically we can still become proficient and effective in playing a sport.  The same goes for happiness.  The more effort and focus we put forth, the happier we will be.   

I like to focus on what I can control.  In the happiness equation, I control 80% of the factors that are not genetic (40% intentional activity and 10% circumstances).  This understanding empowers me to become happy.  We are not meant to be acted upon in this life but to act.  We do not wait for life to make us happy because if we do…we likely will never achieve it.  We simply become intentional with our way of living.

Intentional Activity

What does the 40% intentional activity mean?  It is the very focused, deliberate ways in which we live our lives.  These are the hundreds of decisions we make each day in our thoughts, diet, exercise, behavior, and actions.  The life we CHOOSE to lead is what creates and cultivates happiness.  If we are feeling sad and depressed then the likely solution is found in how we spend the minutes of our daily lives.  Floating through life rarely leads to happiness because it is not intentional.  

Intentionality is also becoming clear on who we want to become, what we represent, and living in line with this clarity.  Congruence with who we are and who we desire to be leads to happiness.  This requires persistent sacrifice, self-control, and guidance from trustworthy sources.  

Circumstances

10% of happiness is circumstantial. This factor acknowledges the limited influence that others and/or material things have over our happiness.  These are things out of our control.   Unfortunately, we give such circumstances more credit and power than they deserve.  How we respond to circumstances (intentional activity) determines the level of affect they have on our lives. We must always remember that we are 4 times more powerful than our circumstances in influencing our happiness.  

I am happy.  I am not happy every second of every day.  Heck, I have days where I just struggle.  Fortunately these are the exception rather than the norm in my life.  I am happy largely because of how I live my life.  I have worked very diligently to implement the learnings from my religion, study, and experience into my daily life.  It is my hope that we all realize how powerful we truly are in determining the state of our lives.  The more we accept this truth and act in accordance with it the happier we will be.

Can’t Stop The Feeling

Instructional

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I recently returned from an eight day vacation with my lovely wife and five incredible children.  The destination:  Grandma and Grandpa’s house in Sacramento, California; also in close proximity to my sister, her husband, and their four children.  The fun-filled week consisted of fishing, golfing, rafting, cliff jumping, drive-in movie, pool, sleepover, board games, laser tag, bowling, etc.  These activities were intermingled with meaningful connection with immediate and extended family.  

Upon my return to Orange County, I was overwhelmed with feelings of peace, fulfillment and happiness.  It felt incredible (reminded me of the song from Trolls “Can’t Stop the Feeling”). So incredible, that I wanted to somehow bottle these feelings up and save them for a rainy day when I would need some extra pep in my step.  Since such bottling methods don’t exist I decided the next best thing would be to spend time reflecting, pondering, and gaining understanding as to the origin and reason for this elation.  Such understanding, I hope, will ensure that this feeling doesn’t stop.

“Can’t Stop The Feeling” Insights:

  1. Alignment with Core Values:  I have made a deliberate effort over the past several years to live a life of connection, emotional health, intimacy, and fulfillment.  This has not been easy.  It has required much focus, energy, and consistency to persist in this endeavor.  I have been at it so long that a routine has been established that allows for these areas to be filled on a regular basis.  Below are the tangible benefits.     
  2. A Clear Conscience:  I strive to live a high moral code that is based upon my religion and core values.  It is a lifetime pursuit to live such standards.  I am not perfect but I feel great about the progress I have made. I feel free of addiction and regret.  I don’t regret the past. The past has made me into who I am and what I am becoming. I am at peace with my maker and my own conscience.
  3. A Strong Marriage: My wife and I love and respect each other.  We pray, eat, and have fun with each other every day. We prioritize date night and regular couple time.  We regularly review our marital commitments to remind ourselves of what we need to do to sustain a happy and healthy marriage.  We are human and make mistakes and are willing to apologize for these mistakes.  My marriage has become a foundation upon which I can build a great life.
  4. Healthy Children:  Each one of my children are becoming healthy, contributing members of society capable of rearing their own families towards interdependence. This is our goal and they are on track. I take great satisfaction in who they are and pray they will continue in this path.  Raising children is, perhaps, the greatest work in which we can be involved.  I was able to feel this over the past couple of weeks.
  5. Extended Family:  I have been blessed with wonderful parents and siblings.   I deeply value the time I spend with them during periodic vacations throughout the year.  I don’t have ill feelings towards any of them.  I love them and they love me.  We get along and I find great satisfaction in being a part of their lives.  I also enjoy my role as uncle.  I love getting to know my nieces and nephews.
  6. Financial Stability: I earn, plan, budget, and spend wisely.  These skills allow me to be void of the burden of debt.  I don’t worry about bills being paid or making ends meet.  I earn, plan, budget, and spend wisely so I can live a financially free existence.

My life is full because I have allowed God to make it such by living according to core values.  I am free in my soul, marriage, family, and finances.  Freedom is the reward for living a deliberate life.  I am free to choose the very best things in life and not get swayed by the flashy, sensual things.  I hope this blog entry helps others and myself to stay motivated to focus on not stopping “the feeling” that makes us want to “dance, dance, dance”.

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