How a family council helped my son to feel safe and secure from zombies each night before falling asleep.
Zombies are everywhere! On TV, movies, books, and now in my son’s head! About a month ago my five year old son, Emerson, expressed extreme fear and terror in going to bed at night. When he would come to the Stark (Storm + Clark) household he would cry himself to sleep (sad…I know). Reacting to the situation, I tried a variety of tactics to help ease his fears. A few of the tactics tested were:
- “Zombie Check” – We jointly would look and listen in each corner of the room to ensure no zombies were hiding (this was his older sister Callie’s idea). This worked a bit the first time but soon wore off.
- Distraction Thoughts – “Picture yourself living in the clouds where ice cream making is the most popular sport. You need to figure out the biggest and best type of ice cream to create to become King of Cloud City. What do you create?” I simply share with my child the first fun thing that comes to mind regardless of how random it is. This worked fairly well for my daughter but for Emerson the zombie fear was too strong and tears still came.
- Silence – I forbade all to mention zombies in hopes that he would forget. Unfortunately, zombies were still the topic of discussion as I headed for the door after our nighttime routine.
I was hoping this zombie phase would naturally pass but the power it had over Emerson just increased. It eventually escalated to the point where he dreaded nighttime hours before they arrived. Something had to be done…but what…I felt like we had tried everything.
As I was considering the zombie dilemma, I felt impressed to hold a family council. The concept of the family council is taught in 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People as well as in the church to which I belong. I decided zombies were as good of reason as any to hold a family council.
This is how I proceeded with our Zombie Family Council:
- Assembled Family: I notified all available family members that an emergency family council would be held at 7:00 p.m. Participants included Callie, Mariah, Norah, Emerson, and Dad.
- Brainstorm: I presented to the group the problem that we were trying to solve: How to help Emerson feel safe from zombies when going to bed at night. Then I solicited input from the group on how to solve. Mariah, my 10 year old, volunteered to record the potential solutions on our handy, dandy whiteboard (see results below).
- Listening: Ideas flowed and Mariah recorded. If a participant stated why a proposed solution would not work I would remind the group that all ideas are welcome in brainstorming. My role as facilitator was to simply listen and clarify the proposed solution. It is extremely important that all feel safe, understood, and valued in this process.
- Ownership: Once we had a completed list, I identified the solutions that were reasonable to implement. I then asked Emerson to pick from the list of solutions that he felt would work. He picked two.
- Implementation: I implemented the changes that very night. Acting quickly lets others know that you care and are legit. Too much time between solution and implementation will decrease others’ confidence in the system and in your credibility.
The children generated 90% of the proposed solutions. The children generated 100% of the chosen solutions. The solutions (Emerson sleeping on the top bunk combined with a sticker chart leading to a bottle of sparkling water) were simple but I couldn’t figure them out on my own.
Emerson has gone to bed safe and, even, happy ever since. As a parent, we don’t have all the answers and, at times, need the family’s input. It was a great feeling to experience family synergy through our emergency Zombie Family Council.
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