Bank accounts are simple. The more we contribute, the more potential and flexibility we have to live the temporal life we seek. It also contributes to the sense of peace and well being we have in regards to future financial obligations and expenses. The opposite can be said for when we are in debt. Fear and anxiety increase in their strength as we search for ways to remove ourselves from our financial burden. This principle does not just apply to dollars and cents in our bank account but also applies to each and every relationship that exists.
The strength of any relationship is based on the emotional deposits and withdrawals that both parties make on behalf of the other. The more deposits, the more we contribute towards the health and success of the relationship. The more withdrawals, the more we contribute towards the demise and failure of the relationship.
The balance in each of our primary bank accounts (relationships) will dictate, in large part, how others respond when we make inevitable mistakes/withdrawals (we are human after all). The higher the balance in these accounts, the more flexibility we have. The lower the balance, the more likely our withdrawal will result in unforgiving, resentful behavior.
Below are some practical depository principals that will assist in building equity into our most important relationships. When thinking of withdrawals, just picture the opposite behavior of the below principles:
Often times, we fail to take inventory of our most important relationships. For this reason, I have created a “Relationship Audit” that is designed to help you understand how much equity or debt you carry in your key relationships and what this means to you personally going forward.
Instructions: Circle, or write down, your account balance for each labeled relationship.
Spouse -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Children -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Parents -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Siblings -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Friends -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Employer -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Other 1 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Other 2 -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 1 2 3 4 5
Next, reference the “Balance Summary” below to gain more clarity on the status of each of these relationships and the repercussions of your next transaction.
Balance Summary:
4 to 5: You consistently contribute to the health and success of the relationship. You have established a high level of trust and credibility. An emotional withdrawal should have little to no impact on how the other party feels about you.
1 to 3: You periodically contribute to the health and success of the relationship. You have established some level of trust and credibility. An emotional withdrawal should not negatively impact this relationship in the near term but immediate deposits are needed to provide buffer to avoid future resentments and tension.
0 : You are in a vulnerable position where one deposit or withdrawal will lead you to a positive relationship (see 1 to 3) or a negative relationship (see -1 to -3).
-1 to -3: You have little to no credibility and trust in this relationship. Your withdrawals are greater than your deposits. An additional withdrawal will result in further resentment (seen or unseen) and tension. Immediate deposits must be made to restore the relationship back to a positive balance.
-4 to -5: You have lost all credibility and trust in this relationship. Your withdrawals far outweigh your deposits resulting in heavy debt. To salvage the relationship major action needs to be taken. This is not a quick fix. Sustained deposits over an extended period of time are the only way to get the relationship to a healthy place where both parties can heal and move forward.
The next time one of your relationships (close or distant) responds with animosity, resentment, distance or deception take time to evaluate your account balance with that individual. You may be surprised to find that you lack sufficient funds with him/her. If such is the case, then reference the Stephen R. Covey graphic above to start the path towards emotional equity and interest by ridding yourself of the consequences of existing debt and fees.
Comments are closed.