I am a bit nervous. I tentatively know what I want to discuss in today’s coaching session but will I find solutions? Will I identify meaningful actions to take? Based on how I am feeling I can’t see any clear path to take. I am anxious. I want to appear strong and confident but I know that to really explore my recent challenges with anxiety I need to be vulnerable and honest. I really can’t see how this coaching session is going to help?
These thoughts, and many others, swim through my head hours before a scheduled session with my coach. Here I am, a coach myself, and find that, despite what I promote, believe, and practice, I still struggle with the same reservations many feel when entering the coaching process. It can be like entering a dark tunnel without light; walking into it can be a bit intimidating even if you trust your guide. I have learned that this uncertainty and doubt stem from distorted in-head dialogue (most internal dialogue is distorted). Such dialogue needs the cleansing power of external expression. Honestly expressing thoughts, ideas, and feelings have a way of minimizing distortions and revealing truths. I feel I have analyzed the situation from many different angles and am challenged to find a solid solution. Is there really a solution for my anxiety or is this just part of life?
I get on the call and we exchange pleasantries. I let him know that my focus for the day is a bit different from our typical topics of discussion. I express my hesitancy in sharing. I proceed to tell him about my anxiety, when I experience it, and how it is impacting my life. He listens, makes sure he fully understands my situation, and then proceeds to ask me a question I had not thought to ask myself.
Effective coaching requires a lot from both client and coach. It needs both parties to be honest, vulnerable, and humble while also being mindful, analytical, and solution-oriented (that is asking a lot…I know). The coach is no better than the client. The coach is not the expert on how the client should live his/her life. The client is. The coach asks effective questions that help reveal the client’s priorities and values. A coach holds clients accountable to the life, career, and family objectives they most desire. Continuing with the tunnel analogy, the coach encourages clients to locate the spotlight, evaluate the tunnel’s conditions, decide on a direction, and move towards their destination.
The session is wrapping up and I feel invigorated. I know what I need to do. I feel edified by the process. My confidence is restored in my ability to change and grow.
Entering the coaching relationship requires faith in yourself and the process. Progress and growth are given to he who is willing to move forward even when the path ahead is unclear. This experience was a good reminder on how challenging growth and real change can be. It will benefit us all if we face our doubts, insecurities, and challenges through whatever means necessary (coaching, books, journaling, therapy, etc.). Experience has repeatedly taught me that such action will lead to excitement, increased energy, and a more peaceful existence. And at the end of the day…isn’t this what we are all seeking from life?
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